IT NEVER GETS BETTER

I am having one of those weeks where I am missing my father so profoundly that my body aches with loss, I think because it was his birthday last week and it is getting closer to my wedding that I am feeling the loss of his presence so much more.

I can’t even begin to fathom walking down the aisle without him by my side, I know my brother is stepping in to help and I do not in any way diminish his role in my wedding but it is not the same thing. I had a dream the other night where I was talking to my father about coming to my wedding and he said to me I will be there and I just remember feeling such intense joy and throwing my arms around him and sobbing uncontrollably, I remember waking up with tears running down my cheeks but feeling so happy at the same time.

I’m sure brides who have lost a parents can understand how I am feeling, you want to be happy about getting married and you want to be excited about planning the most important day of your life yet something is holding you back. There is a huge gaping hole left where that parent should be and it is unthinkable to you to plan your wedding without them even though we know that they would want us to be happy its just hard. I have days where I am very excited about my upcoming nuptials and excited about planning it and then I remember that is he is gone and won’t be here to tell me how beautiful I look in my wedding dress and he can’t believe that he has to give me away.

I might be walking down the aisle and marrying the man I love but Daddy I will always be your little girl and I will try and be happy, for you, for me and for Gary.

I love you and miss you more than I have words to express

xxx

cooks

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